We have all been hurt by people we love. As that hurt grows, we build walls to protect ourselves. So imagine laying a brick for each time you’ve been hurt. Eventually you will succeed at building a wall big enough to protect yourself from the pain of others. I can visualize a person standing and looking up at this great big wall, arms folded, smiling, thinking, “I did it!”
Do you see the problem here?
The wall you built to protect yourself is the same wall that is now your prison and keeps love away from you.
In order to truly love someone, you have to love someone for who they are, not who you want them to be. That doesn’t mean you have to like everything they do. It means you have to accept that they are going to make mistakes and yes sometimes you will get hurt as a result.
So whether you are in a relationship or seeking one, start removing the bricks one by one.
Brick removal secrets: not criticizing, not telling the other person they are wrong, supporting the other person when they mess up, giving extra hugs (even if you don’t feel like it), listening to the other person without thinking about your response, and being present for them.
What are your brick removal secrets in your relationship? Comment below.
As much as we would love to say parents are equal, we are not. My wife reminded me of this recently during a discussion and I believe she is right.
While men and women may share the responsibility of parenting, the feeling and connection isn’t equal as the baby is an extension of the woman.
Think about it this way. If someone gets hurt, you are (hopefully) going to sympathize with them and feel for them, but you’re not going to feel exactly what they’re feeling because it’s not your body. A baby is a part of a woman’s body. There’s a direct connection as the baby grew inside her and came out of her, hence it’s a more direct connection that she’s going to feel than a man would.
What a man can do to be even more supportive is spend time understanding her journey and feelings as a mother- most specifically the burden of responsibility. Men must learn how to support her in addition to the baby and give her the freedom to have some time as a person, not just a mother.
One excellent strategy is learning how to take things “off her plate.” In other words, what is one thing you can do that she doesn’t have to, so that she can reclaim that time for herself as her own person? Comment below…
Leave a Reply
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *